Why is the "gay" scene so gross and why do I seem unattractive to many people interested in guys?

It's going to sound a bit conceited, but I'll do my best to sound at least somewhat objective about myself. I'm well-educated, career-oriented and usually a fairly compassionate guy. I'm fairly neutral when it comes to gender expression and I "look like a guy." However, it seems like people are looking more for people who are super-toned rather than people who are bright and amicable. I don't understand. I have some weight on me, but I'm by no measure morbidly obese (no pun intended). I have no idea what would make me undesirable in terms of the dating market besides the fact that I don't fit a certain look. I'm in no way a scene guy and have no interest in such. Is it just me, or are people extremely shallow? In a more narrow context, does it seem like people who are non-straight seem to judge other non-straight people rather harshly?